Ladies and Gentlemen, my name is Dave and I am single. And not the ‘If you like it then you should’ve put a ring on it’ type of single— just single. And most of my male friends are single too. There could be many reasons for this; but, one of those reasons should never be because of your bad style. I’ve heard dozens of horror stories from women whose boyfriend’s sense of style was an absolute dealbreaker. Everything from “Oh my god he has a massive taxidermy collection in his bedroom” to “Oh my god his sofa and drapes clash hideously in his living room.” Well you know what, gone are the days of being held back by our style. Here are some major tips to bring your home out of the dark ages and to avoid any and all home dealbreakers.
1. Frat Boy Failure: Remember the college days? The months your sheets went without being washed. The scandalous wall poster that was autographed by a Bronco’s cheerleader. The unspeakable things that occurred on the futon. Great times, right? I know. But here’s the thing: if you are a grown ass man and any of those things are still present in your home then you’re doing something wrong. Trash the futon, buy multiple sets of bedding and if you must preserve the signed poster, frame it and put in a room where only you will see it.
^Say no to futons (Source: Freshome)
2. Clean Act: For a long time, my policy on cleaning was to go as long as possible without touching a broom. Eventually, people will mysteriously stop wanting to hang out at your place. If you don’t like to clean then there are a few things you can do to avoid it. Use disposable dish-ware and save the glass for special occasions. Install shelves to keep displayable items from crowding the space. And, for the sake of all humanity, take the trash out when it’s full. If you find yourself trying to balance a precarious tower of garbage atop your trash bin then it’s probably time to take it around back.
^Statistically verified by me (Source: Tumblr)
3. Personal Touch: While it’s true that your place should be clean and free from the lazy college aesthetic, you should also inject pieces of yourself into your space so that it can reflect what you love. If you’re a literary guy, show off that book collection. If you’re a whiskey aficionado, style a bar cart and keep it handy. If it represents you then it’s important to show. Unless it’s taxidermy, in which case well…keep it between you and your pets.
^This room. I’d date whoever designed this room (Source: Freshome)
And there you have it. If you’re going to get dumped, let it be for a good reason like commitment issues or premature balding, not because of your style. And, if you can follow these tenets THEN people will have to find an actual reason to dislike you. And isn’t that what we all want in the end?
All the love,
Dave
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